They should really pass out barf bags in church
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
