dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
