These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
