I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
