Sry I called you an 8
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
my liver is dry heaving
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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