I faked an abortion last night.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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