his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
