then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
