This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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