In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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