He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
