You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
