I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
