He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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