After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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