you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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