Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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