ya dads aren't the best wingmen
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
