it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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