I seem to have left my pride at pride
we made out on top of his cat.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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