Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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