youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
