I just saw a hot homeless man
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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