her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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