If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
