I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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