im about as happy as oj after his trial
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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