did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
