just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
