I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
