Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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