What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
