My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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