I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize