She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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