I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
