I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think my vagina is haunted
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
