he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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