he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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