I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
