i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
