I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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