chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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