Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Di me a solid and hit me with your car.

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(817): View more from Texas

Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.

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(559): View more from California

I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"

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(919): View more from North Carolina

My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.

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(212): View more from New York

He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode

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(512): View more from Texas

I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.

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(620): View more from Kansas

She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?

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