Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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