Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
