jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
