dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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