My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
