i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
