she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
