just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
