were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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